DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim, Offend) is a pattern of behavior used by individuals (particularly those with narcissistic traits) to deflect accountability and manipulate others.
It’s a form of gaslighting where a narcissistic individual denies their wrongdoing, attacks the victim, flips the script to portray themselves as the victim, and shifts blame to the other person.
DARVO can be particularly harmful in situations involving abuse, where it can make it difficult for victims to be believed and to seek justice or support.
Understanding DARVO is crucial for victims of abuse as it helps them recognize and understand the manipulation tactics used against them.
Here’s a breakdown of the DARVO pattern:
- Denial: The narcissistic individual vehemently denies their actions or behaviors, dismissing any accusations or concerns.
- Attack: They launch personal attacks, often targeting the victim’s character or credibility, to discredit them.
- Reverse Victim and Offender: They shift the narrative, portraying themselves as the victim of the situation and claiming the victim is the real offender.
For example, if a person is in a relationship with a narcissist and they are confronted about cheating, the narcissist might deny it, attack the partner’s intelligence, and then claim they’re being unfairly treated and that the partner is the one making the situation difficult.
To combat DARVO, it’s important to:
- Document everything: Keep records of communications, abusive incidents, and any evidence of the narcissistic behavior.
- Seek professional support: Therapists and counselors can provide guidance and support in understanding and coping with the effects of DARVO.
- Trust your gut: If you feel something is off, don’t dismiss your feelings. Seek outside validation and support.
